Stand Up!
As a young girl, I often would dream about becoming a mom when I grew up. But when I turned 17, my dream was broken. I found myself pregnant. When I was young I had imagined that I would graduate from high school, finish college with my degree in law and then be married and have children. I never considered having a child at an earlier time as taboo; I just never thought it would happen at 17. Although teen pregnancy rates are declining, the numbers are still very high. It is no longer outside the norm for a 15 or 16 year old to have a child. Even with the acceptance of teen pregnancies, there is still an undercurrent of darkness that shrouds this young mom-to-be. It is the ridiculing and bullying. Snide remarks, leers and stares as you walk by. Feelings like you are the only one enduring this. But it happens to others who find themselves pregnant as teens. What most people do not understand is that being a good parent doesn’t come from age, it comes from knowledge, given being a child yourself; you may not begin with the knowledge needed to be a successful parent, although you can gain it, and use it.
Statistics show that there has been a decline in teenage pregnancy, but the number still remains high, with about 820,000 teens a year that become pregnant. That is saying that 34% of teen mom’s become pregnant before the age of 20. That is a large amount, with sadly only one-third of those teenagers completing high school. (http://www.teenhelp.com/teen-pregnancy/teen-pregnancy-statistics.html) This is largely due to bullying and ridiculing in schools. Teen moms are not treated the same as anyone else in high school. Many schools who have established a “Teen Parent Program” will require that teen mom to break away from their high school and demand that they attend that “Teen Parent Program”, forcing more separation and difference between the teen mom and her peers. Social media sites such as Facebook are one venue for the ridiculing of ones choices or behaviors. “Friends” who say, “She is only 15, and is pregnant, she only got pregnant because she wanted to keep her boyfriend.” In fact, statistics show that over 80% of teen pregnancies are unintended. (http://www.teenhelp.com/teen-pregnancy/teen-pregnancy-statistics.html)
It is odd that even in the growing environment of acceptance toward teen pregnancy that bullying would continue. The whispers, “Is she pregnant?”, “What a slut, she got knocked up!” will set the tone for the pregnancy. Shame and humiliation can weigh you down. It’s not self-imposed; it comes from students in the hallways of the great American high school where tolerance of life choices are to be accepted. It is hard for peers to look past the age factor when it comes to teen pregnancies, but their pregnancy is the same as someone say in their mid-twenties. Yes, they may not be married, they may not have graduated yet, but with all the publicity that media puts into teen pregnancies, it makes it look like they are socially acceptable, and tolerable.
The irony is that the media has created a growing environment for encouraging teen pregnancies. “16 & Pregnant” is just one example of media usage. This show is promoting the acceptance of teenage pregnancy. 16 & pregnant, is a show that takes girls in the age groups of 14-19 and show their walk through pregnancy to the world. Another example of media that is shown as teens to be accepted through pregnancy is “Teen Mom”. This television show is portraying that life as a pregnant teen, comes with acceptance. That socially, you will not be ridiculed or bullied because it is ok to be pregnant at a younger age. These two shows are great examples of the environment promoting teen pregnancy. Not only are they promoting it, but showing all the wrong aspects of the real horrors of school life with teen pregnancy. You will be bullied throughout your pregnancy.
The taunts continue throughout the pregnancy. At times, I wondered, “Would leprosy have been easier?” Because I was made to feel like a leper. I was cast out and looked down upon. Even by the father of my child. There is a double standard. I was rejected, he was accepted. I had lost all of my friends, I was alone. I was scared, I was humiliated, ridiculed, I never knew what people said about me behind my back, I never knew what people thought about me, but inside, I felt like a whore, at school no one made me feel otherwise.
It was 5 days past my 17th birthday when I found out I was pregnant. So many emotions ran through my head, I was terrified, and I was so vulnerable and just needed someone there to hold my hand and tell me everything was going to be ok. I had lost all of my friends; I had lost any love a boy professed to me at one time. The one thing that I did have, that most do not, is I had drive, I had ambition, I was determined. I did graduate from high school with my 5 month old daughter in the stands staring down at me; I walked with courage and walked with dignity proving that all it took was one person to tell me I could do it. My mom was that one person; no one else had any decency to hold up to a promise of “friends forever”.
So who are we to judge a person’s life in their teenage pregnancy? We can be the difference in their life, and we can help them. Someone very wise and close to me once told me, that it only takes one person to be the support they need, it only takes one person to say, “I’m here for you.” So, instead of ridiculing, or bullying this person, instead of kicking them when their down, stand up with them, hold their hand, be their voice, because at this point in their life, they are so vulnerable to every attack, and need someone there, so be their shield.
